you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
