Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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