Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
