3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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