guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've blown a few things in my day
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
