um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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