Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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