hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
