Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
