I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
