I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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