I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
