so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
