you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
