i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
