Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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