I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
