Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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