is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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