just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
