She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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