better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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