Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
