I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
