hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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Green mimosas i think yes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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