Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everything about him screamed your future.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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