woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
