Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
