i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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