I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
