he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
