Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
