i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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