we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
