i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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