just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
