You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
