Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
