fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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