She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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