shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
