I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize