just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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