she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
