Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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