i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
