Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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