theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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