you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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