Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
