the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
