I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
did you just send me my own nude
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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