the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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