brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
