Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
