I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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