a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
