He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
