I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
