Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I AM VODKA MAN
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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