you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
