Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
