I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
