Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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