Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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