I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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