I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
