"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
