Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
