I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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