i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
